bryan? (totally) (taylor_series) wrote,
bryan? (totally)
taylor_series

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In my last post I mentioned that Howie Mandel is completely unfunny, which reminded me that I should to take a moment to talk about what could be the worst show ever produced for television, Deal or No Deal. This show has it all: A weak premise, annoying host, annoying players, shameless sex appeal, and a snail's pace!

A monkey throwing his feces at numbered tourists has a better chance at winning the game than that same tourist does guessing numbers that are lined up next to a bunch of whores (and it probably has a better grasp of mathematics, too.) There is no fun in watching a show in which some yokel guesses a number between 1 and n, then chooses whether or not to walk away with some money. Strategy? Nope! Oh look, the lotto numbers on my fortune cookie just happen to correspond exactly to every single losing number on the show. Coincidence?

As if it couldn't get worse, there is a silhouette of a man sitting in a booth reading off a number his computer calculated in <1ms. The host sits on the phone for about 3 minutes for dramatic effect, and so the segment takes about two hundred thousand times longer than it should. I've had dental work without anesthesia that felt rushed compared to watching this garbage.

Then there are the women who each have their own numbered case they have been assigned to opening. It's like Vanna White's job without all the brain power involved in walking towards a lighted square and tapping it. However, the women do seem to represent all different races, creeds, and colors. This just goes to prove that no matter who you are or where you are from, you can be demeaned and exploited for cheap entertainment value.

Mercifully it came to an end. But then it was brought to my attention that there is a home game, which burns my soul to even think about. It must have all the fun and excitement of what I just mentioned, but instead of having the opportunity to win money, you get to pay them! Oh boy, I get to randomly choose numbers and win nothing. Where do I sign up?!

In conclusion: No Deal.
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